FREEBIE LAUGHS

This is one of the columns in LIGHTEN UP - a $0.99 ebook on Kindle. It's excerpts from a humor column I did years ago before I got too many deadlines (life et cetera LOL) It's also short enough to put on your computer if you don't have an e-reader so you can read them one at a time or whenever you want to.

This was entered in one of the AWC (Arkansas Writers contests) and won first prize in the humor article contest. It's name was LUCKY Me at that time, now it's part of LIGHTEN UP on Kindle :-)Here it is:

The beautiful spa city where I was born is now in the middle of the annual horse racing season. The excitement, myriad social whoopie occasions, greedy expectations, and general chaotic scrambles for parking space are rising along wth the fattening of the purses for the races. In spite of all that, I have not, so far, bet one peso, yen, or American buck on a horse. It just isn't humane to burden a poor beat with the kind of luck I have. It's enough entertainment to see the methods some people use to bet, and the results they get. One sunny afternoon at the matinee, two obviously learned professors of the sporting game who sat in front of me and my husband poured over newspapers, tout sheets, and other information, calculators in hand, before picking THE WINNER. That noble bast came in fifth. The air head with party colored hair behind us who bet on a horse with a name like ther cousin's cat, had a winning ticket according to what I could understand of th shrieks and jumping up and down and general rampant joy when the winner was announced.
Lady Luck's curse on me is not confined to horses. It sort of parallels Murphy's Law - anything that can go wrong will, you know how it goes. Somehow, when I got my ticket into the world, the angel in charge that day left good luck and a sense of direction out of my hiking kit. I'm doomed to work twice as hard for all accomplishments and carry a map and a compass, or do without and be lost as a goose. This maks for some tough choices and beaucoup self discipline.
Once in a while I forget my betting on a poor animal could be hazardous to its health and I take a chance. Not a calculated risk - a chance. Chances are much more fun than dull old calculated risks and make the adrenalin pump. Would you believe I once bet on a likely looking grayhound at the dog track who ran back the other way and tripped four other dogs? Whether or not they shot the big palooka, I couldn't tell you. All I know, is they wouldn't let ME do it!
You can see, with luck like that, I have to be very, very careful. About a year ago, the grcery store near us put up a pen outside and gave away chances on a Mexican burro with sacks of groceries. My husband wouldn't let me go in there for fear I'd wind up inning the thing! Fortunately, it wasn't long before someone else did so we didn't starve.
We are gong to the dog track with some friends next week (I'm going to bet two bcks to show on the rabbit).


Blog friends; Five Star writers; and other cyber friends: To read this: On Your browser go to Jackie Griffey's Books and click where it has the title of this blog - FREEBIE LAUGHS happy reading :-)

Break's over!
Jackie